The One that is Verbatim

The Little Lady wrote a story and had me write it down verbatim. As always, I did exactly what she told me to do.

Here it is for your reading enjoyment:

Once upon a time in a far away land, there lived a lovely, lovely princess named Harper. And she couldn't see the dragon 'cause it was her pet, but he flew away in wet mud and he couldn't get out because he was stuck. And then the princess came to help him and pushed and pushed, and the princess got him out. And the princess got on his back and flew to the castle. And then they went and took a nap. And then they finally woke up, and the prince came to dance with the princess.

The End

The One with the Bingo

Last night the Little Lady and I were playing Bingo, and she kept winning (of course). Each time I had to point out to her that she had just won, and she would shout, "Mingo!"

After a few rounds, I told her that it wasn't "mingo"; it was "buh-buh-bingo." The next time she won, she excitedly yelled, "Mingo!"

At some point my lesson must have sunken in because this morning she busted in the bathroom while I was in the shower, shouting, "Mama, where is my buh-buh-bingo game?!?"

The One with 10 Reasons a 6-month-old Can't Just Sit There & Eat!

1. There is a ceiling fan to look at.

2. His big sister is talking.

3. A light is on somewhere over there.

4. His big sister sighs.

5. A remote control is spotted and needs to be further examined.

6. He hears the clicking of the iPhone keys.

7. His big sister is crying, laughing, squealing...

8. "Look at that! I can wiggle my fingers!"

9. Mama is talking.

10. Toes!

The One with the Best Invention EVER

It's like they were standing over my shoulder listening when I asked myself what I was supposed to do with all of this baby food.

Now they just need to show me what to do with all of these headbands.

The One Where I Stand There During Nap Time

Whoever said that second babies are better sleepers was just trying to butter me up to have another baby. Mom, I had planned on this second one even without you telling me those fairy tales! You really got my hopes up. But this little guy is the opposite of a better sleeper.

In fact, I am standing over his crib right this very second as I write this. Seems crazy, I know. But the Internet suggested that if your baby continually wakes up after just 30 minutes of napping, to take your crazy self upstairs so that you can stand there and be ready to shush him back to sleep the second he begins to stir.*

So this is what nap times have been reduced to in my home. Oh, how I long for the days of a child's sweet slumber being used for life's little luxuries: you know, the mopping, cleaning the bathroom, paying some bills perhaps.

Instead I find myself with two peaceful children, both sleeping quietly at the SAME time. And I'm standing in the middle of their room--deathly silent, bitterly jealous of their nap and completely scared out of my wits.

*This technique did not work, by the way.

The One with Career Day

The Little Lady's "summer camp" at her little school is coming to an end. For the past 2 months, each Tuesday has been "wear a certain color day" and each Thursday has been marked by some sort of special event, project or outfit.

Today is no exception. It is Career Day.

These toddlers and preschoolers were asked to dress up like whatever they want to be when they grow up. My child cannot comprehend this question. Is she supposed to be able to by now? Have I messed her up because I haven't yet told her that she will one day need to decide what she wants to spend the rest of her life doing? And that it will be work!

As it is, this kid thinks she has already been a grown-up. Not a day goes by where she doesn't start a sentence with, "When I was a grown-up."

So I asked her what she does want to be. In fact, I've asked her this question before, and the answer is always the same: a flower.

Who am I to dash all of her hopes and dreams?

The One Where I Come Back

There's a new sheriff in town. He's been in charge for about 5 1/2 months; that's a little over 23 weeks in sheriff speak. Of course, the old sheriff still thinks she's running things around here. We let her think that though--as we're busy doing everything she tells us to do and succumbing to her every demand.